Original Welcome to Weirdsville Cartoon Art by Lee Widener

Spy Awaiting Rendezvous

Spy Awaiting Rendezvous

One night The Spy was standing in the shadows of an abandoned building on the outskirts of Weirdsville when he heard someone.

"Pssst!" hissed the voice.

The Spy looked around but he could see no one because he was wearing dark glasses and it was nighttime.

"Pssst!" the voice hissed again.

"Who's there?" The Spy asked, suspiciously, moving deeper into the shadows.

"That doesn't matter," the voice whispered. "I'm here to give you a message."

The Spy felt a piece of paper shoved into his hand.

"What's this?" he asked. There was no answer. The Spy took the paper and hurried back to his secret hideout, which was deep under... well, I can't say. It's a secret. Once back home The Spy looked around to make sure nobody was watching, took off his glasses and read the note. It was from Headquarters.

"This is your next assignment. You are to go to the abandoned building on the edge of Weirdsville and keep surveillance on the individual you find there. Keep tabs on him around the clock. Make note of everything he does until you hear further."

Following standard procedure The Spy made a cheese sandwich, placed the note inside the sandwich, and then ate it. There had to be no trace left of any communication from Headquarters. Locking his door, he peered into the night as best he could while wearing dark glasses. Reasonably sure no one was watching he rushed back to the abandoned building and waited in the shadows. There was no one else there. He circled the building and searched the surrounding area to make sure he hadn't missed anything.

After a while he came to the only logical conclusion- since nobody else was there, he was supposed to keep tabs on... HIMSELF. Taking his notebook from his trench coat he wrote "Subject arrived at location and hid in shadows. After a while he circled the building and searched the surrounding area, finding nothing. Took notebook from pocket and began taking notes."

After a few hours The Spy felt tired. Behind his dark glasses his eyes blinked. He struggled to keep them open. He considered hiding in the shadows and taking a nap. But what if his subject left while he was asleep? His mission would be compromised. He would just have to stay awake to make sure he didn't leave while he was asleep. This assignment was going to be tough - he would never be able to sleep because he could never be sure he wasn't up to something while he was asleep.

Eventually the Sun came up and The Spy was no longer in the shadows. He considered moving to a better hiding place but he was afraid he might lose sight of himself if he did so, so he stayed put.

Little Kid Eyebrows happened to be passing by and he stopped.

"Hello Mr. Spy."

"I'm not him. I mean, that's not me."

"You're not you?"

"I mean, you don't know who I am. I'm in disguise."

"But you're the only one who dresses like this. Everyone knows who you are."

The Spy's head hurt.

"I'm busy now. Can you move along?"

"You don't look very busy. You're just standing here."

"I'm on a mission. I'm keeping somebody under surveilance."

"Oh, that sounds exciting! Can I help?" Little Kid looked around. "I don't see anyone else here..."

"You're not a trained undercover agent."

"Teach me! Where is the guy you're watching?"

"Standing next to you."

Little Kid Eyebrows turned around in a circle.

"The only one I see standing next to me is you."

The Spy said nothing. Realizing The Spy was not going to talk to him any more, Little Kid Eyebrows went on about his day. The Spy took out his notebook and wrote "Child approached subject and had a conversation about an unknown subject. They could be in cahoots with each other. Continuing surveillance."

The Spy stood watching himself until he passed out. A little while later a couple Weirdos happened by and taking pity on him, carried him back to his secret lair, tucking him into bed. You see, his secret hideout was not so secret.

The Spy slept soundly, dreaming of secret missions and top level intelligence briefings.

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